What does love mean to you?
Is it a feeling of admiration laced up with genuine intent of wanting to make the person you love feel abundance in yourself and the external world’s circumstances? Maybe you want to love, but maybe you don’t. I strongly believe that love can be found in every street corner in the mundane of getting by. The distinction is quite blurred, but the feeling expresses itself just fine. Is it possible to be in love while being so unsatisfied with your own self that the feeling eats you up while you wait to try to decipher if love is actually what you feel?
One might want to be admired for who they are or bask in the essence of someone they want to be around, but one may also find it sickeningly nauseating. The feeling manifests itself in more forms than one and the readiness to accept it doesn’t always make it easy to process the reality of the fact that love is painful. To be able to accept anyone for who they are, it is a difficult task for sure. The distinctions and boundaries blur when your common sense becomes uncommon playground for your hopes and the idea of love itself.
This brings me to my next question. Can love be found in flesh and bones? Yes and No. The ‘being’ in love is just immersed so deeply that it doesn’t ever question, it never second doubts the unfair realities that love invites with itself. Is it pretty? Absolutely not! But it could be kind, as kind as the flesh and bones wants it to be, as kind as the being’s conscious deciphers love to be. Love for me though, has never been kind on the very long run. Momentary affliction draws itself long enough for me to get the taste of how it all could be, but affliction is not permanency, and neither is love for me.
Love wreaked havoc in my life long ago. The site now filled with carcasses of dead yesterdays, lies barren and untouched, for i cannot clean it yet. The ghosts linger in my conscious and make me want things i must not want and claw on the love for affection the way i want it to be. Is love controlling though? I don’t believe it is, i never did. Even though i have seen the worst examples of love manifesting into disgust in my early life, i genuinely believe that it is kind. But then, why does one feel so engulfed if not for control?
One must not believe love is free. It demands a price to be paid; it needs you to process and compromise. Since love is patient, either it's you that’s going to be LOVE or your counterpart, be it your family, friends or even partners. There is no way around it, you either become it or wait for someone else to become it.
Companionship always means love but love doesn’t always depend on the idea of companionship. It only takes one to love, oneself or the others, independently and selflessly. The accumulation of one’s expectation has nothing to do with the companion involved, if one is in a relationship, it only has everything to do with oneself. So,tell me what does love actually mean to you?
