The God Dilemma

The God Dilemma

There's the urge to kill myself, not me but her, the one whose flesh I feed and nurture. I keep going in roundabouts ways and the fragments of memories seem to be the little plays that could have been played out differently altogether. The rebellion is baseless; the acts acted upon it is pointless too. From all the things in the universe, the entitled 'god' sins the most, it's the moral shade that holds the deliberative harm by forged lie of kindness and promised comparison, which by default, doesn't add up. If I'd question, you'd ask me why? and ridicule me when my words aren't leaning towards your answers. If God existed, he must come to me and all I'll want to know is 'Has he sinned today?'. For i believe being human was the default to sin, excused my chivalry for self-effacing jokes and confused your mockery for love. I assumed he'd know not to do something detrimental. i just assumed the god's gender, didn't i? my bad! let me put it this way, i believe they don't care much. I'm small, infinitesimal but tiny.

But i imagined, in the universe without God, I'd have still searched for it, the all-knowing entity sounds quite of an escape. Existence is a spider web, and you're a mere fly. That's the way i see it because the only way out for you would be death. The idealisms and the efforts, the act of finding God would actually mean something to me there, because I'd know they aren't there, I think I'd be compelled to search more. In this universe, I'd just declare me God and rule over it. The universe without, without God is yours. All yours. And the joy of imagining it is wicked.